|
|
Who's Online |
|
We have 43 guests online |
|
|
 |
|
 |
|
 |
| |
|
Community Educator, Tracey Collins, also spoke with Valerie, a Client of Gambler’s Help Southern. Once again, Gambling Matters extends a big "thank you" to Valerie for sharing this part of her Real Life Story.
Can you tell me a bit about your gambling - when you started, what kind of gambling?
My gambling started about 11 years ago when pokies first came to Victoria. My Mother had been over to Las Vegas earlier and said she always she wanted to go to the pokies when they came to Victoria. And what happened is I started to go with her, and my sister as well, and I found that after about three months I started to get addicted to them…and so was my sister. We found that initially it wasn’t too bad, but then we might put 20 in, then the next time we went we might put 20 in, plus another 20 that week, so 40…and it gradually got more and more. And so it was sort of by taking Mum that we were introduced to it, because I probably wouldn’t have bothered otherwise…I don’t know…that was the start.
For your Mum, was it purely entertainment? She was sticking to her amounts that she planned to gamble?
Yes, yes. She didn’t become addicted ever...
And was she aware that perhaps you and your sister were playing more than her or spending more than her?
Yes, but she said to stop, you know. She didn’t sort of think…she didn’t realise we were addicted. She just said we should cut back and not spend so much and "Don’t be silly".
And when you were going initially…what did you like about it when it was still enjoyable?
Oh, just winning…and I liked the actual colours and the gambling in itself. I liked the peace of it. Although it wasn’t very peaceful when we first started, it was pretty packed…but on the quiet times it was nice.
And was that local to home, or the casino, or…?
Yes, local to home.
…did you start going without your Mum as well?
Eventually, yes, yes.
And can you think of how it developed?
I remember one day, after about 3 or 4 months, thinking "I’m going more than once a week, this is getting a bit much", you know. I didn’t realise what an addiction was…and I thought "I must stop it". So I tried to, but I found I couldn’t. And I’d be racing off to get more money from the bank, because I don’t think they had a ATM there at that stage…I’m not sure… but I kept going to the bank. And then it got really out of control. And I was out of control in my mind and I was frantically going, sometimes 3 times a day, going through all my savings. Racing home, getting dinner, going out again and my kids were starting to notice at this stage. And I thought I’m really getting bad, so I decided to go to GA. I went to GA… for about 12 times but it just didn’t seem to make any difference to me. And after that I had more counselling…I had to go in to town. After work I’d go and that worked for a little while but not for long. And I even told my boss at work and he sent me off for counselling. And that didn’t work. And I even had…what do you call it…hypnotherapy. That didn’t work. Then I got on to the idea of self-…evicting (?) myself.
Self-exclusion?
Self-exclusion…and that seemed to work better. Not initially, but once I’d excluded myself from all the venues around my area, I found it a bit better. And then I had to go out further and further, so now I’m excluded from about 300. And the casino was a difficult one…So, then I got myself banned from where my sister lives…right up the Peninsula and Ballarat and Bendigo, where I go. I just wish that I could ban myself from the whole of Victoria, and I probably would never think about it again.
So currently you’re banned from this wide range of venues…
Except for after Christmas I managed to pass one in Chapel St that I’ve never seen before. And I went to have Christmas dinner…I had 150 left, I’d done well with presents and everything, I’d saved the money…I blew the 150. I had $10 left for my visitors that were coming that night…
So even after that long period of time of not going…
It’s always there…
…because you’re excluded, you saw one you weren’t excluded from… and in you went?
Yes! Yep!
So can you describe that feeling when you saw it? And how you responded to that feeling?
"Oh, there’s one. I must go in."
Did you have any sort of discussion with yourself about "Should I be doing this? I don’t really want to do it."
Yes, I knew I shouldn’t be doing it but I just wanted to go in.
So a very powerful urge…
It’s a hugely powerful urge. I mean, I’ve had a lot of counselling and I still can’t get rid of this urge. I wasn’t even thinking about it before I saw it, but there it was. And I just think maybe I’m a pathological gambler, if there is such a thing, that can’t be cured by counselling and that, but I’m still trying.
It sounds from what you’ve said, though, you have done remarkably well. You’ve employed strategies, made changes…
But I’ve gone through all my money, all my savings, all my Super, everything!
When you first started playing, did you understand how the pokies worked?
No.
And what about compared to now?
Know everything…well, I don’t know everything, but I know that you can’t win on them! And I know that they take your money and they’re insidious…and can cause you to want to kill yourself at times and make you very ill mentally…almost like a drug.
I guess that’s the bit where people who aren’t gamblers, that’s where the question comes up a lot…"But why?" Particularly when you’re saying "I know I can’t win on them, I know I can’t…and yet I feel this urge to go". So there’s this question mark, "But why?"
Well, think of a heroin addict. You can understand that more, that they have to have their next hit. It’s like you have to gamble to live, your mind is so out of control and so into this fix…it’s like a fix…you must have it.
Do you gamble, or have you gambled, on other things besides pokies?
Oooh, no!
Because?
Not interested!
Not Tattslotto? Horses?
No, no.
So the pokies seem to be the thing?
The thing with women my age, quite often, because it’s somewhere you can go on your own…and you don’t go for the social aspect of it, because you don’t talk to anyone. You are welcomed there on your own, you can have a coffee and relax…it’s the place to go for people who are a bit lonely and haven’t got anybody. But it’s not always that way, it can be married women as well…there might be problems in their marriage… but it’s somewhere that we can go.
You said you were going as much as 3 times a day, at the peak. How long would stay in each visit?
Once I stayed 8 hours. Once I went to the Casino, which I rarely ever went to, I’d been about 4 times in all that time, and I stayed from 5 in the afternoon until 5 in the morning…12 hours. I had a big win when I got there…
…you said you’ve gone through masses of money over time, presumably you had some wins, sizable wins, along the way?
Oh, yes. Oh, yes.
And how did that impact, do you think, upon your playing?
The win is very important, it is, because even if you have big wins, you still want to keep having wins. And you can’t get out of the venue. Once I went into a venue…I went in with $50 and come out with $7,000. I did pay off a couple of bills, but then I went to another venue and lost it all.
So did you have that in cheque?
Yes…oh, I must have, because I went to another venue. Some of it cheque, some of it in cash. But you know what? In all that time I never did get a really, really big win like…you know, the machines can pay out like 10,000 or whatever…and I’ve played hugely, I’ve upped my bet, but I’ve never actually won a huge amount on one machine.
What sort of machines did you play?
I used to love the xxxxxxx, my absolute favourite it was. Um, and I loved the xxxxxx. On the xxxxxx you could lose a lot of money (Name of EGM replaced..)
That’s, what, 5 cent machines?
5 cent machines, but playing 90 or whatever…And we played $1 machines in Adelaide and we went through about $10,000 in a week.
When do you think you really acknowledged that you had a problem?
After about 5 months.
You mentioned that you feel like you’re doing better currently. Like you’ve tried all the self-exclusion, you’ve done really well…then you’ve had a bust at Christmas…but what do you think is the difference between back then, when you were feeling like it just wasn’t working, and now? Is there a difference?
Well, there is because I don’t have that money. And there isn’t this really out of control mental state that you’re continuously in. You say on the way home from work, when I was working because I retired about 3 years ago, "I’m not going to go anywhere, I’m not going to go anywhere, I’m not going to go anywhere"…the next minute you find you’re on the train, going to the venue on your way home. It’s like you’re almost guided there by something…it’s sort of insidious, it really is. It’s so strong. And yet I was always a good saver and brought my kids up on my own and educated them and everything…no husband…so it wasn’t as though I…what’s the word I’m looking for?
Well, you’ve had lots of responsibilities that you’ve dealt with really well over your life.
Yes, so it can grab anybody.
The self-exclusion seems to have worked...so you don’t feel any desire to test out the exclusion?
No, I haven’t tested any place! No, I’d be too scared. Some people do…they dress in wigs and that, but no way, no way. If only I could get myself excluded from Victoria, I know I’d be alright…The Australian Hotels Association, you have to send a photo, you know how that works don’t you…I’ve already done about 300 or something around Victoria. Why can’t I just get the rest done…but I can’t.
I guess from an industry point of view…the typical response is "Look, we’ve got a lot of people on our books that we don’t see, they’re not our regulars, we don’t know them, it would be really hard for us to actually pick them if they come". Yet from your perspective the program is working…so it’s not really satisfying either party. It’s a tricky one. And of course the Casino is a bit of a different program again…
Yeah, I’ve done that one. That one you wouldn’t dare go in…the police come in on that one and everything. But I just think the answer for me would be that, because I’ve tried everything else.
While you’re actually gambling, you said part of it was the buzz but that it’s also a bit peaceful. They seem to be quite different emotions…parts are sort of an "up", parts are "calm".
The up is when you win, when you’re winning. And the calm is sitting there without any one annoying you. And even some times when people come and sit next to you it can be annoying, just them being there.
So if you were to try to pick the main reason why you were gambling, what would it be? Or maybe there isn’t a main one, maybe there’s a number?
Oh, I think it’s thrilling, although the thrill gets less as the money goes up to compensate for the thrill getting less thrilling, if you know what I mean! It sounds a bit ridiculous, but that’s how it is. It’s somewhere to go where you can just not be pestered, you can just go in and sit there…it’s even the machines…they’re colourful, they’re interesting…it’s relaxing and exciting at the same time…so all those things.
Before you got into the pokies, did you have other kinds of recreation?
Yes, I did. I had friends over, I went to the library, I was working, I’d go out with them on a Friday night after work, have a few drinks. That stopped, the drinks and that, because you can’t afford to. And if even if you can, which I could, sorry that’s true, I would prefer to go there (the pokies).
How did a good or a bad session at the pokies affect other areas of you life?
Very much so. If you’d done a lot of money and you hadn’t won at all, you’d come out very depressed. Very depressed and sometimes want to kill yourself…it was really bad. "I’m useless, I’m this, I’m that". Very demoralising. My asthma used to get worse from stress and I couldn’t sleep at night. Just basically not want to go to work. But I did go to work…I was pretty good like that, but not wanting to. And couldn’t wait for the next pay to come in, or the next money you could get.
And if you’d had a good session, the reverse?
If you’d had a good session, if you managed to get home with some money, you’d just wait ‘til the next time you could get there to get rid of it.
Did you keep you’re gambling a secret?
No, I’ve been open about it all along.
Has that been a good thing?
Yeah, I think so.
Now, counselling, you’ve had differing experiences or differing outcomes over time. Has it helped?
It’s helped this time. I mean, I know I’m bad, but it’s helped this time because I’ve gone right back to my childhood and things that were happening there. And I think also with gambling, it might be addictive, but I think there can be baggage that you drag with you through life that has to be figured out a bit to get your self-esteem back as well. It’s definitely helped me that way, this that I’m having at the moment.
And perhaps you’re in a place where you’re ready for that kind of discussion?
Well, that’s true too. That’s true too. Because I wasn’t ready with the other person here. When I first came, I wasn’t ready for that.
Plus you can engage differently with different people, different counsellors…it’s a different situation in lots of ways.
That’s true. At least I’m doing it…it’s positive.
Has it been what you expected?
No, better.
Because often when people hear the word counselling, it conjures up certain things in their mind that they think they’re going to get.
Well, I’ve been to so many that didn’t do anything for me at all… "Imagine yourself going into a pokies room, looking at them, and coming out"…that didn’t work, those things, for me. That visualisation…and I had a lot of that suggested, but it didn’t work with me.
You’re making a good point – that everyone’s different.
Yes, it does work with some people. And the hypnotherapy didn’t work, I couldn’t go under…
But you’ve persisted with seeking assistance, to the point where you’re getting some positive outcomes.
I definitely have…at one stage I thought "What am I doing it for, really?" Because I still have the urge…I don’t think that will ever go. Not all the time, but now and again when I’m stressed, I get it.
So you think that’s a trigger? A stressful situation?
Oh, yes!
So is it a case of trying to minimise the number of stressful situations you have?
Yes, I’m trying to do that. I’m trying not to take things so seriously... "they will work out…I could be dead tomorrow, so what am I worried about", all these things.
You can’t avoid stress entirely…so what sort of strategies do you have for when that kind of situation arises?
When stress arises now, I just say to myself "It’s meant, it’s meant". And that sort of takes it off me a bit…it’s meant. And I believe in God, too, so you know…
When you first started playing the pokies, and particularly not being a gambler on any of the other forms that are available, had you heard of the term "problem gambling"?
I’d heard of gamblers, yes. Not the word "problem gambling". Gamblers, to me, were weak people that should know better.
So, presumably, you couldn’t have ever imagined you would find yourself in the position of having a problem?
Never, ever, ever, ever!
Is there anything that anyone else, be it the Government, the gambling industry, the local council, family, could have done along the way that could have helped you?
Yes. When I got my superannuation and my inheritance, I asked my family if they would take it off me…and I even offered to put a deposit on a house for my daughter…because I knew it wouldn’t last if I had it. And they said "Oh, all right" and then I said to them "I might put it away in the bank". They weren’t interested in doing anything like that. I just wish they hadn’t trusted me. And I wish I had of got banned earlier, but I didn’t know about it years ago. I suppose that’s me saying "Oh, what could they do for me". I don’t know…I’ve had friends take my card off me and that hasn’t worked out. I had my brother looking after it, then he got into it. I mean, they haven’t really worked out. But now I’ve done something about that, which I should have done years ago, too, but of course I couldn’t because I wasn’t on Centrelink. But I have all my bills come out of Centrelink…direct debits. But I got myself into trouble with my phone, because I went over to AAPT thinking they direct debited and they didn’t. So now I’ve got a bit of a bill, bit of a big one, but I’m back on Telstra…now I’m starting on paying it off. Because on a pension, $20 can put you out, 30. So I’ve done all my savings, I’ve got nothing else and I’m in a Ministry house. I’m going to be moved from there soon...that’ll probably stress me out! They might do it up or pull it down…it’s quite a nice place…I don’t know where I’m going to end up.
What advice would you have for someone just starting to gamble for recreation?
Be very, very careful. It’s very insidious, it creeps up on you before you know it. Don’t be confident, don’t think "I’m going to be fine, it’ll never happen to me". I thought it would never happen to me and I was very responsible. So, don’t even bother trying it, I’d say.
Have you got anything else you’d like to add.
Just that it’s a very bad disease. I call it a disease, some people don’t, because it can make you very ill and can just change your whole character. You’re in there somewhere, but you can’t find yourself. It is like a drug of addiction…like heroin and that. It’s all you think of and you lose your friends along the way. You lose so many things…you lose the respect of people. That’s the hardest, to lose the respect of your children. It’s very hard to get that back. So you lose your money, you lose respect, you lose friends…you become a loner in the end. And you’ve got to drag yourself out of all that. So why bother starting it in the first place?
And your effort to "drag yourself out", where would you put yourself on the ladder back up?
About 7 (out of 10)…I’ve still got along way to go, but at least I’m still trying. And to keep on trying is the thing. Never give up. |
|
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
|
